Monday, 24 February 2014

AD NATUS SUM

We all deserve someone great and someone who will make us feel great about ourselves as we are made for something greater.

We all deserve a good sleep. To sleep in peace and with peace of mind. To sleep and wake up with someone who deserved to be with someone as well. Like you. Maybe. We all deserve someone who wouldn't mind giving us passionate kiss early in the morning without us brushing our teeth while we smell like bed shit or bed sheet, uhm either of which. *Whatever*.

We all deserve someone whom our mind can speak up; someone who can comprehend without us doing the talking. Someone who can read our false moves and teary eyes. We all deserve someone who will know that we are breaking and crying inside though we are laughing like hell. We all deserve a pat at the back and a comforting shoulder. Someone  who can keep us calm and direct our heart to safe place.

We all deserve someone who will completely trust us. Trust that we can do something outrageous but they know we wont. Trust that we can decide on our own but for the benefit of both. Someone who will accept who we are and what we have and is sensitive enough to adapt with our feelings. Changing what and who we are is not a solution. Actually we dont have to. We just have to give way and be selfless. So that, at the end of the day, we will never blame ourselves if we did enough or if we lack something or if we have had shortcomings.

We all deserve someone whom we can speak all day and all night without us getting bored; without us grasping for ideas to talk about - because conversation is free flowing and too interesting to let go. Or shall we say, we are interested with the person we are talking to. We all deserve intellectual fights and not mid day gossips. An adage goes, big minds talk about ideas and small minds talk about people. Someone who's focus on intellects and social awareness is someone who cares for others as much as they care for us. And we need that kind of person - someone who passionately and fervently cares for us. When we're too old, we won't be performing too much bed romance and romance by that time would mean battle of the brains; battle of good old memories. Remembering how good the old times were; reminiscing how great days became magnificent. 

We all deserve the best person we can imagine. Yet, at some point of our lives, we've been with a person we don't deserve or may not deserve us, and we learn a lot. We all deserve to be at peace. And we accept the love we think we deserve. 

Wednesday, 12 February 2014

PAST, PRESENT, PAST - Why it is hard to be friends with your ex or someone you have slept with

Breaking up is easy. Moving on is another story. Lucky if you can have good terms with your ex after the breaking up and just forget the everyday dilemma he or she has brought you. Rarely that this situation will happen. I mwan, sh*t happens. After each bitter or i-agree-with-you break ups, there's a high possibility that either one of you would still want to continue the 'connections' that you have had regardless of you intention. You've shared almost everything. Lame jokes. Silly conversations. Late night walks. Early morning kissing scenario. Crying times. Untimely drinking sessions. Kitchen to bathroom you-know-what scenarios. Meaning, you can hardly hide something away from him or her. Being obvious doesn't have to give a satanic look followed by a flirty wink nor shout out loud so that he or she can hear the obvious. One thing is for sure, one of you would want to just walk away and forget the crazy nightmare of the other. Because, you wouldn't be splitting if both are sharing their best to continue the i-love-you journey. 

You will always be stuck with 'that awkward moment'. Along the course of your 'pseudo relationship', both of you may have known common people ; common circle of friends. That's when the moving on part becomes the hardest - when the two of you tried to move on and all others think that you are still 'together'. You might get invited into a party or any social gathering, surely one of your friends will not fail to drag a certain situation that the two of you can relate. And, suddenly the spark thing will go back to life. And one of you will be avoiding that moment and would have wished it never happened.

Another difficult moment would be, when you have a 'reunion' with the 'present'. You may have prayed to all the deities to perform some sort of teleportation and bring you to any boring place aside from that 'reunion'. Seeing your special someone being happy or together with someone else whilst you haven't completed the moving on stage is like being nailed alive. You can't just escape it. You just wanted to disappear and disregard any second of seeing them together. That sucks. You may want to cry in pity for yourself or anger in yourself for you want your 'someone' back - just for the sake of revenge, anyway.

You wouldn't want to listen to a few songs especially the ones that you've sang together. Every line would remind you of something that you've gone thru or something significant that you have shared. Each beat would make you remember of something you may want to forget. Melody may bring back the past but heart would agressively fight with your mind. Tendency is, you may want to switch to Metallica songs or Red Hot Chili Peppers stanzas. That sucks!

While it is true that sad movies can make you cry, it  also made you giggle once. Maybe twice or more than that when you  were with him or her. Seeing same genres of movies will make you reminisce the past; making you imagine that possible happy ending that you have previously hoped for. Chances are, you may still want to watch the same movies all over again or you will totally hate them as it make you feel lethargic.

The trick is try your very best to ignore him or her. It will be a tough do-or-die; that is, if you really wanted to move on and forget every single day that you've spent with THAT person(now you should practice the art of using third person when you refer to him or her) and accept that you can't really be friends with THAT person, not GOOD friends. It is an adage that in order to move on, you must be willing to take one step and see yourself to be somewhere else. Moving on  is like having a flat tire. You can't go anywhere unless you change. I dunno if these statements make sense but it should somehow move you to just ignore, maybe pretend that things didn't happen. That making friends with THAT someone will just ruin everything. Unless you have violent reaction, feel free to answer this blog. 


PS. I think this is a bit disorganize. I should move on.










Sunday, 9 February 2014

REST-ponsible

Blame no one for your loneliness.
For you allow someone to take happiness away from you.

Bring no one to your success.
For you did it on your own and no one shared the pain with you.

Let go of your sufferings.
For no one deserve to suffer the way you had it.

Demand loyalty.
For no one should betray your careful and fragile heart. 

Diminish your anger.
For you it will consume you 'til eternity.

Uplift the lowly.
For they will do the same thing to you when you are vulnerable.

Share your blessings to everybody.
For you are a blessing yourself.

Friday, 7 February 2014

Write What's Right

I've always wanted to write.
I've always wanted to write.
I've always wanted to write.
I thought so.

Just because I love to read, I thought I can write. They say when you read your horizon is expands. You tend to know more things and describe more feelings even those that you haven't experience before. You tend to materialise things that you've never imagine. You tend to make dreams come true. You tend to expect something you never had. And just because reading has influenced me this much, I thought I can write.

Primary days were tough. I thought I can write. I thought I can be part of the student publication and do some commentaries my favorite journalist does. I thought I can disgust teachers with evil intentions. I thought I can expel students who go to riot. I thought I can carry out student welfare. I thought I can write. Instead, I was chosen to run as a representative of our Class for the Student Government. I thought I would win. Just as I thought, it didnt't happen. I didn't win. I didn't know you have to be pretty and popular, rich and cynical. I didn't all these. Yeah, I know. But I wasn't paying attention. Life didn't end there. I became part of the Varsity team instead. That, I never wished. But it happened. It was given to me.

I thought I can write. I really want to become part of the newspaper. From reading, then writing. Then speaking. Now, I wanted to voice out what I feel. How I feel. How I perceive things. I know I can do it in writing. Then I'll speak out what have I written. I want to verbalise words. I want to give them life. I thought I can write that's why I once again tried my luck to join the publication. Hell yeah, I think I am one of those millions hopefuls who wants to embrace 'luck'. Same scenario. I didn't make it. Student government. I failed. Varsity team - I made it. Academe - I fulfill it. But I still wanted to write. Maybe I wasn't good enough.

College. I took the exams to become part of the student paper. Tell me something about yourself; how would you react to criticisms; editorial board interviews and all that. I made it. Finally. Wooohooo! I think I can write! Shortly after they announced the passers, I was in awe. I was thinking - can I really write or I was just lucky? That's when I start to question myself.

I thought I always wanted to write. Now that I have the full opportunity to do it, why does it make me sad? Because I feel that I am not prepared for it. Yet no one is prepared for something. No one has been given the task that is perfected the first time. And so I thought. Now, I can really write. That's an excuse whenever I write a rubbish article.

Four years of writing. Fourty eight weeks in a year of reading a 40-page Inquirer newspaper. More than 4000 hours spent to edit and revise articles before it gets 'killed' by the editor-in-chief. More than 40,000 minutes wasted staring on a blank wall trying to come up with an interesting article. That was fun. Because I can write.

I thought I can write. I did. Four non stop years of delivering heated conversations and information; editorials and commentaries. I tried to use highfalutin and outlandish words. But it never worked for me. That wasn't me. I tried to impress others - in which I succeeded. But I annoyed myself. Because that wasn't me at all. I used simple words and simple ideas. Yet, with big impact. I used normal language ordinary students can understand and make up. I used minimal numbers of adjectives and concentrated more on the dynamic action words. Students understood. Students cared - not on me, but on the news that I have written. That made me an effective writer. I thought I can write. I really did.

Now, I still read. I still talk. I write - once in a while. Or I will formulate it in my mind then I'll forget about it. Only now I tried to be technical. More technical. Wants to make sure I am not misunderstood. That I can still deliver the message across. Effective communication, I always say. I thought I can write. I'll put it in my blog. And if you have reached this part, then you have wasted more than 10 minutes of your life reading this.